That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
