guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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