apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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