This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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