he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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