Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
