Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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