used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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