I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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