Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
