Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
