Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you didnt know i had herpes?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
