It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
