Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
