I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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