Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
only if we run a train.
done.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
