Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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