ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
