Girls should come with a carfax report
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
