Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She bit a glass in half.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
BRING THE BAGELS
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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