so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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