I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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