I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
