My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
