So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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