remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
