Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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