if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
