I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
