After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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