she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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