i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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