Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
