Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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