and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
