At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
