so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
