fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize