I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
