She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
