walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
