if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
