I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
3 2 1 whiskey
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
