in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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