The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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