Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
