you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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