fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The air taste purple.
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