I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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