hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
