i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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