Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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