I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
