every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't turn off my feet"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
