Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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