so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
