remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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