You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
