I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
