i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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