i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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