I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
