Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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  (312): Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job http://tfl.nu/iix6
  Replies (27) Good night (4917) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit

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  (214): And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit http://tfl.nu/wkai
  Replies (55) Good night (2939) Bad night (1350) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.

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  (503): There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday. http://tfl.nu/i12b
  Replies (4) Good night (3368) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.

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  (253): I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight. http://tfl.nu/gw0c
  Replies (4) Good night (1881) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.

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  (901): She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab. http://tfl.nu/iean
  Replies (6) Good night (2334) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...

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  (480): you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future... http://tfl.nu/18be
  Replies (5) Good night (1601) Bad night (1075)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover

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  (203): im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover http://tfl.nu/eh7g
  Replies (1) Good night (1465) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.

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  (601): I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak. http://tfl.nu/j26q
  Replies (19) Good night (576) Bad night (3171) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.

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  (601): i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this. http://tfl.nu/9qd9
  Replies (5) Good night (772) Bad night (1695)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.

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  (512): We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again. http://tfl.nu/4ffb
  Replies (8) Good night (464) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to have sex with him.

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  (703): I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress. (703): I want to have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/1wj3
  Replies (5) Good night (1224) Bad night (455)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I need to hump something and I know u understand.

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  (843): I need to hump something and I know u understand. http://tfl.nu/eg48
  Replies (3) Good night (1052) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.

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  (206): I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it. http://tfl.nu/fi43
  Replies (1) Good night (794) Bad night (223) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week

  (210): View more from Texas

  You are the most depressed sports fan I know

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  (716): It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week (210): You are the most depressed sports fan I know http://tfl.nu/7tbn
  Replies (3) Good night (238) Bad night (626)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina

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  (561): Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina http://tfl.nu/9ymq
  Replies (11) Good night (310) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt

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