I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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