Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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