I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
