Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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